My mother was a wise woman with some great sayings, one of which was, “No one person is important enough to make everyone around them miserable.” Today, one of my kids thought he was that one person.
We had a lovely day today, the kind that make fond family memories: driving to a mountain resort town; bringing our own charcoal and hot dogs and having a cookout at a riverside park, complete with fresh garden tomatoes and Krispy Kreme doughnuts(!); taking a lazy 2 1/2 hour inner tube ride down the river; eating pizza at an outdoor, riverside cafe.
Waiting for the pizza to arrive is when things started getting a little uneasy. The troops were tired, restless, and hungry, especially Lily who became vocal. My teenage son started copping an attitude about the rest of the family, especially us, the parents. This dragged on until it developed into a full-scale, serious parent/child discussion outside the restaurant after supper; eventually we head for the car, frustrated and angry, our teenage son in the lead.
At this point the other kids realize we’re leaving and become upset, and it occurs to me: if we leave, we are allowing our son to be that “one person,” the one who thinks he’s important enough to make everyone around him miserable. In Proverbs 22:15 we are told that “foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.” Allowing our son this level of influence – dampening our day by ending it prematurely and on a sour note – just seemed like foolish parenting (something my new friend Marybeth would have called parenting out of fear). We informed the kids we were staying, turned around (without teenage son who stayed and sat by the river), and spent about another hour and a half roaming through little shops, taking silly family photos, and eating funnel cake.
Did our son cool his head? I don’t know; he was asleep on the riverbank when we returned, and he went straight to bed when we got home. Moral of the story? Parenting isn’t always a popular job. We’re not supposed to be our child’s best friend or take his viewpoint when it’s wrong. If our position can be backed with scriptural authority (it could and was), it’s our duty to explain it thoroughly and then stick to it. Don’t allow your children to believe they’re that “one person.” I’m so glad we turned around and didn’t deny the other kids and ourselves the rest of the day we’d planned.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
This is why I read your blog–for the parenting wisdom that you tenderly impart to those of us with children not quite “that” age but still in need of great modeling and teaching. Thanks, friend.
OT: I’m not going to be able to make the Aug 3-4 HS fair. So sad, but life’s events have crowded in, so I’m organizing where the cuts have to be made. We will MIRL eventually!
Great reminder, especially for those of us with children in different seasons!
I have a kid or 4 who every now and then try to be that one person. It’s hard not to let them get the best of you, but it’s always better in the end if you stand your ground.
Glad you finally made it to the river! We should try to meet up sometime.
Thank you I needed to read this tonight, it was a rough night with the troops.
You made a really great choice. I’m not sure I was always that insightful when I was parenting. I hope I was….
Awesome post, Dawn! I love that quote!!! Can’t wait to share it with my mom tomorrow. She’ll love it, too.
Thanks for all you’ve done to help me!
Love and hugs,
marlo
Great quote! I’ll have to remind my children of that! I have a few who like to be “that one”, too!
Hugs,
Carmen
Good for you! Glad you went on with having a good day. I have so much to learn from you…
At one point I will have four teenage boys at once. Pray for my soul.
I so needed to read this post today. You have no idea.
Gosh, it is so hard to take this route, isn’t it? This post taught me something about giving my kids the authority to change the tone of things. Right now we don’t have too much of this going on (my girls are mostly past this) but I have two boys coming up behind, one of which is consistently playing with a sullen attitude. I needed this reminder!
Thanks, Dawn!
Thanks, Dawn, for posting this. We’ve been dealing with a very moody child lately, something I didn’t think I’d deal with for a few more years(have you found that moody boys are harder to deal with than the drama that girls bring? I’d love your thoughts), but it’s reality. I appreciate this post. It doesn’t seem right to make everyone pay for one child’s attitude, and I appreciate the scriptural reminder about children.
Much love,
Jolie
Words of wisdom indeed. Sometimes I need to remember that about my own self, I am not important enough to be that person who taints the whole family.
Hi Dawn,
Thanks for sharing this story. I’ve been in this situation before too and I’ve never thought about it like this before but I have allowed one child to make everyone else miserable. Not anymore…. :o)
Blessings,
Theresa
Dawn,
This is the first time I have read your blog. I found it from Boomama’s. For what it is worth, I think you handled the situation so very well. It’s hard, isn’t it, being the parent of a teenager? Or more than one? I have a dear friend who says something like what your mother says. My friend’s comment focuses more on how we (an individual) react to someone. She says “don’t give that person so much power”. Most often, our response to a situation is as important as what they did to start with. Your other children were watching and listening, too.
Being the mother of three, ages 15, 24, and 26, I can so relate to what you experienced and am so impressed by how you handled it. You seem like such a loving mother with a sweet spirit. God bless!
that is so true! your mother continues to teach me things — through you! I completely love that . . .”one person” should never have that power! I love you.
Amen!
This spring while in Washington DC for the Cherry Blossom festival our 9 year old was full of complaints.
Our solution was to tell her that speaking was a privilige, she was abusing that privilege by using her voice to complain, and therefore she was no longer allowed to speak- at all! We have decided that our children will not determine the tone for our family, and if they can’t be positive they can keep it to themselves! (Of course this upped the happy factor for her 8 year old sister, who now “had the florr” to herself!) Thankfully they are pretty positive most of the time!
thanks for listening to your heart and doing what is right,your child is not your leader you are .ihad a simular experiance even as a father but you have to take the stand they will come aroung, because your child realy think they know it all, but how rong they are even parent don’t know it all this is why we have the scripture to gude us amen.