I‘ll never forget the day my mother told me that she worried about me because “you’re only as happy as your least happy child.” I could have lived a lifetime without learning that phrase. As any mom knows, children aren’t always happy, and the chances of having eight contented children at the same time? Let’s just say the chances are slim unless maybe you’re all in a happy place in the middle of Disney World. Except we’ve never been to Disney World.

Parenting a pre-teen or teen can feel like mothering Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at the same time, and goodness knows you’re never quite sure which one you’re going to get. If hormones could make me vomit, sleep all the time, and other behaviors associated with pregnancy, it’s no wonder they produce dramatic results in my kids at this age. Sometimes it’s this thought alone that has spared the life of a wayward child.

Kidding.

Maybe.

My pre-teen daughter and I head-butt a lot; from her point-of-view, everything I say or do is designed to persecute her. I know it’s the age, but that doesn’t make it any easier or less discouraging and I’m sure that how I’m feeling rarely enters her mind.

But on those rare occasions when it does . . . 

Last summer she wrote me a letter that I call the Sorry letter. It begins, “Dear Mom, i’m so sorry for allways being so rude and mean,” and ends with “all I’m saying is i’m sorry, and i hope you will forgive me!” followed by two checkboxes, one for yes and one for no. The two page letter contains the word sorry twelve times. Twelve. Sorry for being a bad sister, lazy in school, whining, being disrespectful; she even says she’s sorry for not always eating the food I put in front of her.

On those days when motherhood is rough, when I want to toss in the proverbial towel and quit, this letter makes a difference. I don’t have to open and read it anymore; just seeing it is enough because I know what’s in it: evidence of a contrite heart and a repentant spirit. 

Knowing it’s there—no matter how deeply buried—enables me to push through the muck. I’ve glimpsed what shines beneath, waiting to emerge someday on the other side of puberty and hormones and mother/daughter clashes.

And it’s worth the wait.

For Those Days When Parenting is Hard is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

Is it just me, or do birthdays and holidays have a way sneaking up on you? I tried to be ready this year and got our Mother’s Day gifts ready early. Unfortunately, because of work and sleep schedules it took two days to get everyone in the house to sign the cards, and then I forgot to tell my husband (a.k.a. my own personal postman) that they were ready to mail. And then he forgot they were in his car until Friday . . .

Even with good intentions, things go wrong.

Well, I’ve got good news for you if you’re still searching for a thoughtful gift. Perfect for any day and any mom, the Mother Letters ebook features a collection of letters written to mothers by mothers. It’s filled to the brim with encouragement, one of the greatest gifts you can give a mom.

I downloaded Mother Letters to my iPad and what I’ve read so far has blessed my socks off. The letter from Ann alone was worth it, gently encouraging a change in my attitude about the work I do in my home.

{One of my photos was chosen as a winner in the Mother Letters camera phone photo contest and is featured in the book! That’s it on the right.}

Guess what? Right now you can buy one copy of the ebook PDF and get a second free to give to someone else when you enter code Buy1Give1 at checkout. That way you’re guaranteed to get something you’ll like for Mother’s Day!

If you’re looking for more in-the-trenches-of-motherhood encouragement, check out Lisa-Jo’s new ebook, The Cheerleader for Tired Moms!

[I'm a Mother Letters affiliate and will receive commission on sales generated from my links.]

In Case Mother’s Day Sneaked Up on You is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

At what point does a new habit stick and become routine? Google it and you’ll get a variety of answers and maybe some helpful hints. Last month my family agreed to participate in the Listerine and Reach Healthy Habits for a Lifetime Oral Care Challenge, which involved brushing, flossing, and rinsing twice a day for three weeks.

The kids agreed to it or I wouldn’t have accepted the challenge. Flossing my own teeth is enough, thankyouverymuch. I expected to do a lot of nagging—the usual when it comes to brushing, much less flossing and rinsing, too—but I haven’t needed to.

I ask the kids all the time if they’ve “done their teeth,” or whatever I happen to call the three-step process, and the answer is a surprising “yes” almost all of the time. Occasionally I get an “Oops! I forgot” or even a “Sorry!” and then the child heads for the bathroom.

I have noticed that they’re becoming rinse hoarders. My fifteen-year-old told me that she’s rationing her rinse and needs her own personal bottle. I considered rolling my eyes, but then I remembered the bottle of Listerine Total Care Zero placed back out of reach on my bathroom counter and I understood.

The kids aren’t the only ones whose habits have improved. I’ve always been an evening flosser, not morning, however now I’m in the habit of doing both.

The last day of the three weeks quietly passed last week; we’re actually well into week five at this point. I’m certainly not going to point out that we’ve fulfilled the agreed upon time limit of the challenge. This has been a wonderful thing for my family. I think the most important things I’ve learned are the importance of rinsing—brushing misses 75% of the germs in your mouth, but rinses reach 100%—and the process of establishing a habit. In this case the three-week challenge has been very effective.

What has been your experience when trying to establish good habits in your children and yourself? Could your family benefit from the Oral Care Challenge?

Disclosure: I received products and compensation from Johnson & Johnson and The Motherhood as part of my participation in the Oral Care Challenge. Thoughts and opinions are my own.

Turning a Challenge into a Habit is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

I‘ve studied Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages (separate link for children) enough to know that my 10-year-old son’s primary language is Quality Time. He wants to run errands with me—even boring ones. Last week he surprised me in such a sweet way.

I’d said goodbye to the kids when I said goodnight, since I had to get up at 4:15 a.m. for an early morning flight. Nobody gets up that early unless they have to, right? In the morning when I tried to open our bedroom door, at first it wouldn’t give. I pushed it open and found a rope tied around the knob. I followed the rope across our living room and over the couch until it ended in the floor.

A couple of minutes later my 10-year-old son walked into the kitchen. Apparently there was string tied to the end of that rope, which continued through the hall and into his bedroom, where he’d tied it to his hand.

That sweet boy concocted an elaborate scheme so that he’d wake up when I did and we could spend some time together before I left.

Teen boys can be difficult, but it can also be a sweet time for a mother and son. The birth order of our children goes like this: boy, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, girl; someday the other boys will be gone and this one will be here with just a bunch of sisters.

I look forward to seeing what kind of young man he’ll become.

My Quality Time Lovin’ 10-Year-Old Son is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

Thursday evening I glare at a plastic McDonald’s cup lid lying in our driveway—a lid that I’d left there for a couple of days, waiting for one of the kids to have an attack of conscience and pick it up—and an idea begins to brew.

Minutes later I call the kids together at the dining room table and state, “I’ve picked something in or around the house that needs taken care of. Whoever does it will get a surprise. I haven’t decided what it will be.”

Immediately I get questions: Does it need thrown away or fixed? Can we have a clue?

I have no intention of giving hints. I would rather they pick up a lot of things and accidentally get it right than hone in quickly on the one.

My mama didn’t raise no fools.

The lid still sits there Friday afternoon when we load up for church directory pictures (in their defense, I kept them inside and clean all day). Still there on Saturday afternoon, too.

This morning my husband walks in from herding kids into the cars for church and whispers, “The lid isn’t there.”

I march outside, stick my head in the car and demand, “Who picked up the plastic lid in the driveway?”

Confused, my 11-year-old daughter stammers, “I did, I think.”

“A McDonald’s cup lid? Laying over there?”

“Yes.”

“What did you do with it?”

“Threw it away,” she fidgets nervously.

“You’re the winner!”

Relief floods her face and she beams and laughs.

Now I must pick a prize, but my modus operandi is usually a trip to McDonald’s (where hopefully we won’t acquire another plastic lid for the drive) for ice cream sundaes.

If my husband and I had placed bets, I would have put money that this daughter would be least likely to randomly pick up trash that she didn’t leave.

I’ll definitely use this trick again: create a game, a challenge, a prize to lure trick convince the kids to do something that needs to be done. And . . . the winner and I both get ice cream in the process.

I’d call that win-win.

We Moms Need a Few Tricks up Our Sleeves is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

If you’ve been a mother for long, you’ve learned that some Mother’s Days are extra special and some aren’t much different than an average day. I’m happy to say that today was the former.

My kids gave me the sweetest gifts: hand-painted pottery; a baseball signed “to the best mom ever;” handwritten love notes; a blouse that they’d seen me admire. The most memorable wasn’t a present in the traditional sense, but it made this a truly treasured Mother’s Day.

My youngest child joined the church and was baptized. She was quicker to the baptistry than me, and I found her at the top of the stairs looking down at the water, eager.

Another couple were baptized today, too.

You wouldn’t think the day could keep getting better, but it did. My husband surprised me with a date and some “me time.” He checked me into a hotel, took me out to dinner and a movie, and then went home with the kids.

Yes, I’m sitting in my very own hotel room at 1:30 in the morning, downloading and uploading pictures, writing, and sipping wine. In the morning I’ll eat a hot breakfast, read, and maybe go to the Apple Store or out to lunch with a friend.

I’m enjoying the quiet. It’s entirely possible that I have the best husband ever.

What did you do for Mother’s Day?

A Practically Perfect Mother’s Day is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

Infants have their own delicious smells, with their sweet baby breath and fuzzy little heads. Even their bad odors are okay: they’re just so baby precious. It was always a shock to me the first time mine had “bad breath,” a sign that they were growing and changing.

Next come those active young years, when they come in from playing outside and I lovingly say they smell like “the great outdoors,” grass and dirt and sunshine. More growing, more changes.

Fast forward to puberty. Those hormones affect everything—acne, growth spurts, and the way your children smell when they sweat. Unfortunately, sometimes they’re the last ones to notice the stink (and let’s just be honest, that’s what it is).

These moments in motherhood require an extra measure of grace: it’s your job—with tact and discretion—to teach your kids how to handle these changes.

At BlissDom I filmed a BlissTV segment with Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, about the tricky ‘tween years, and the challenges moms face addressing the issue of sweat and smell with their children. We’ve had four teens so far, three boys and a girl, and I can tell you that they’re all different.

My boys play sports and I’ve been able to be pretty straight forward with them. My 16-year-old son always wants to shower after baseball practice; he likes to be clean and smell good, and he’s really no problem.

When my 20-year-old son ran cross country in high school, we drove 45 minutes each way for early morning practices. After a couple of weeks of sitting next to him in the front of the van on the way home, I requested he bring both an extra t-shirt to put on after practice (and put the sweaty one in the very back of the van) and a towel to cover the seat.

Learning to be considerate of others (and their noses) is a valuable part of growing up.

My 14-year-old daughter is very private; she really doesn’t like anyone in her business too much, as much as kids need it at this age. I keep deodorants marketed to teens, like Degree Girl, in our stash of personal care products; she knows they’re hers.

It’s a delicate balance, but we’ve managed to respect her privacy and keep her fresh at the same time.

Unilever—the maker of Dove, Degree, and Suave deodorants—created the Don’t Fret the Sweat Facebook page, full of money-saving offers, advice, and real-life stories to help parents guide their awkward ‘tweens into confident teens. Check out the DFTS website at http://www.dontfretthesweat.com/.

{Disclosure: I am being compensated for partipating in the Don’t Fret the Sweat campaign.}

Really, Don’t Fret the Sweat is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

[Contest is closed. Winners are Jen and Brigit.]

Do you often feel like a failure in the motherhood department? Like there should be a big “L” stamped on your forehead? Like surely your kids would fare better with a mom who’s a little more, well, competent.

Do you tend to shoulder life’s burdens, forgetting to pass them to Him who promises to make your burden light?

Then honey, this book’s for you.

Kristen Welch’s Don’t Make Me Come Up There is a gift to frazzled mothers everywhere. She shares the nitty gritty details of motherhood in a way that speaks comfort and relief, and makes you realize that you aren’t alone.

Don’t Make Me Come Up There! contains 52 devotionals: stories, scriptures, and prayers. Motherhood is revealed in all its chaotic, beautiful, messy glory.

Here’s more from Kristen on why she wrote this book:

If you’ve ever wondered if it was safe to go into your child’s room, locked yourself in the bathroom for a personal time-out, or felt ridiculously proud and horrified (all in the same hour) at your children’s behavior, this book is for you.

I’m a mom. I’m not an expert on parenting (but I can nurse a baby while loading the dishwasher and clip tiny fingernails while reading a bedtime story!). I know how stressful being a mom can be: balancing duties, caring for needs, and loving them so much it hurts.

Motherhood isn’t for cowards. I’m so thankful Kristen wasn’t afraid to share her struggles, her heart, and her faith in this book. Visit her blog at We are THAT Family.

How to win one of two copies of Don’t Make Me Come Up There! (do one or all, leave a separate comment for each)

1. Leave a comment on this post and tell us what you do when you need a quiet moment.
   
2. Tweet about it.
3. Share on Facebook.

Giveaway ends on Saturday evening, April 9.

{I really hope you win a copy, but even if you don’t, please consider buying this wonderful devotional for moms. Royalties from Don’t Make Me Come Up There benefit The Mercy House, a home started by Kristen for pregnant girls living on the streets of Kenya.}

[Disclosure: Links are affiliate links.]

“Don’t Make Me Come Up There!” Review and Giveaway is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

She crawls into bed with me this morning, carrying a small toy, and a two-year-old wound reopens, fresh.

“Guess where I got my doll?” she asks. It’s been some time since I’ve seen it, and I don’t want to look at it, talk about it now.

I swallow. “The movies.”

“Guess!”

“I did.”

“The movie theater,” she clarifies. “We were playing the video games and Daddy said to come, but I kept playing. And then everyone was gone, so I asked where my daddy was. They gave me the doll and then brought me to the movie. We watched Toy Story.”

Secretly I’m glad that my name wasn’t mentioned, that the story isn’t connected with me, although I held her afterward like I’d never let her go. It wasn’t Toy Story, but one of the Narnia movies. All ten of us went on Christmas Day, when the theater was noisy and crowded.

They gave her the Fiona doll, the way I’m told paramedics give teddy bears to traumatized children.

She was apart from us for about 10 minutes and I never even knew it. That’s the hardest part to remember, that in the darkness I didn’t realize she was missing.

Few items can overcome me with a sense of shame like the site of that doll. I didn’t write about it when it happened, it was too new. Too raw.

Too humiliating.

Unlike mine, her memory appears to be unclouded; it’s just a story about her doll. Nothing more.

I pray my parenting isn’t defined by those moments when I fall, and fail miserably.

Facing Fiona is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved

But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.
~2 Peter 3:18

Each day she scratches a blue line through another day on the list, waiting for 6 weeks to pass, for the moment when the earrings that first pierced her ears can be removed, changed. She saves her money, and on the eve of that magical day goes to the store to buy a second pair.

“Can we change them at midnight?” she asks.

“Since I’ll be doing the changing, I’d rather be awake and fresh,” I reply.

In the end, she falls asleep and the next day, a Saturday, it is.

These 6 weeks have hurt: soreness, scabbing, one earring pushed in so tight I thought it was going to end up swallowed by the tender skin of her ear. This isn’t much better as I struggle to get a grip and pull them off without hurting her.

“Ouch!” she squeaks, as we try again and again. Finally, wet-eyed and beaming, she admires the tiny purple studs we’ve just inserted.

I place the starter pair in her small, silver jewelry box and wonder if I ever show this much grace when faced with discomfort and waiting.

*

The card baskets for Dana and Edie will be open until January 31. Details can be found here.

Please visit the other ladies participating in 31 Days of Ministry Online at A Woman Inspired:

• Amy Bayliss – 31 Days of Heart Matters
• Karin – 31 Days of Intentional Parenting
• Jen – 31 Days of Social Media
• Lisa Boyd – 31 Days of WordPress
• Karen Lewis – 31 Days of Praise
• A Martha Heart – 31 Days of Prayer

Links to all posts in this series, by topic, can be found here.

31 Days of Encouragement: Grace for Living {Day 24} is a post from: My Home Sweet Home
© 2012 My Home Sweet Home | All rights reserved